Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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