I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
