Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
