you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
