Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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