Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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