It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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