i may or may not be watching the land before time
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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