Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
