Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
