How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
