just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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