Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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