I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we're so committed to being not committed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
