he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
