sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
