it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
