Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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