On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
