Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drunk is not a location!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
