when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
