My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
