My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize