Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
