the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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