May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
