dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
