Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
