stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize