Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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