dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
