I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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