just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
