did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
