did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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