not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
