he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
