her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
