Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
