**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that's an acceptable place to lick
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
