I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
