my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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