Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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