I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
