He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
