Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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