If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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