And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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