I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
