I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I did not marry a roomba.
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