Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
