so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
