i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
