she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
