a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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