So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
