i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
