fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
