I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
