Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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