Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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