I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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