then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
